Deuteronomy 31:2-6 Moses said, “I am no longer able to lead you . . . But the Lord your God himself will cross over ahead of you . . . So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before your enemies. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”
When I think about the next few months, I easily feel panicky. I have dedicated the fall to traveling and promoting Karis: All I See Is Grace. Though it’s a lot of work, I don’t mind organizing the trips. I don’t mind the traveling and the speaking. I’m excited about seeing many family members and friends, and meeting new ones. Since I so firmly believe that writing this book was God’s clear direction to me, I am eager to see what he will do with it to bless people’s lives through Karis’s understanding and experience of his love.
What scares me is the emotional challenge of several months of “Karis immersion.” These last years I have walked through complex grief and PTSD. I am in a stable place now, but I still feel fragile. How will I handle an intense focus on all the Karis memories? My enemy is not Karis, not at all. It’s my own emotional vulnerability.
So these verses in Deuteronomy come to me in a very timely way, along with some wonderful words by J. I. Packer in the book Knowing God:
Guidance is a sovereign act. Not merely does God will to guide us by showing us His way . . . whatever mistakes we may make, we shall come safely home. Slippings and strayings there will be, no doubt, but the everlasting arms are beneath us; we shall be caught, rescued, restored. This is God’s promise; this is how good He is. And our self-distrust, while keeping us humble, must not cloud the joy with which we lean on our faithful covenant God . . .
There is tremendous relief in knowing His love to me is utterly realistic, based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me. No discovery can disillusion him about me, in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself, and quench his determination to bless me.
I may be fragile, but God personally goes ahead of me. There is no place the next months will take me that he, my faithful covenant God, is not already there. He will neither fail me nor abandon me.
Thank you, Lord God. May your Holy Spirit make these words come to life inside me, one day at a time.