Isaiah 51:7, 12 Listen to me, you who know right from wrong, you who cherish my law in your hearts. Do not be afraid of peopleās scorn, nor fear their insults.ā¦ I, yes, I, am the one who comforts you. So why are you afraid of mere humans, who wither like the grass and disappear?
People-pleasing gets a bad rap. Hereās the first definition that popped up when I googled āpeople pleaserā: āGenerally, it describesĀ a person who consistently strives to please others, often sacrificing their own wants or needs in the process.ā The Medical News Today article goes on to discuss signs, risks, and how to stop.
Shutterstock: Ariya J
So I wonder, how does this perspectiveāpeople-pleasing is a bad thing that we should stopāline up with Scriptures like John 10:11, āI am the good shepherd. The good shepherd sacrifices his life for the sheepā? And 1 John 3:16, āWe know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sistersā?
Isaiah 50:4-5, 10 The Sovereign Lord has given me his words of wisdom, so that I know how to comfort the weary. Morning by morning he wakens me and opens my understanding to his will. The Sovereign Lord has spoken to me, and I have listened. ā¦ If you are walking in darkness, without a ray of light, trust in the Lord and rely on your God.
Psalm 46:10 Be still and know that I am God.
This will be a busy week. For you, too?
That’s why I had to lie in bed long enough this morning to be still and listen to the Lord, to reflect on the looong list of blessings he has poured into my life (including a wonderful trip to eastern PA and New Jersey to visit beloved friends–we got home last night). Long enough to verbalize that I want to walk through this week with joy and thankfulness instead of stress.
Focused listening isn’t always easy. The last post, I made two confessions. Hereās another:
Sometimes when my husband is talking to me at length about his day, the people he has talked with, the plans he has made with them, the conundrums he faces, I let my own thoughts and concerns distract me.
Later, when he references a prior conversation, I may have only a vague idea of what heās talking about.
Does this matter? It certainly does when he is asking for my perspective on a situation he believes I already understand because of what he has explained to me before. If Iām to give him any kind of useful feedback, I have to admit my failure to listen and request another explanationānot optimal for him or for me. Or for finding a solution to whatever the current dilemma may be.
How often do I treat God the same way? Let my mind be so busy with my own “stuff” that I fail to hear what he wants to say to me.
A lovely counselor, teacher, and pray-er name Leanne Payne (you can find her books on the internet) used to say, āListen to the word of love God is always speaking to you.ā
My experience bears this out. God is always communicating with us. Are we stopping to listen? Have we learned to quiet our own thoughts enough to hear his still, small voice?
Lying in bed after I wake up in the morning, to hear Godās voice in the stillness, has become a habit. It anchors me into his love. It doesnāt take the place of my āquiet time,ā when I read Scripture and pray. Rather, it allows me to benefit from what he has to say to me, without concern yet for what I want to say to him. This focused listening usually results in deep gratitude.
Granted, I have many advantages: an āempty nestāāno children needing my attention early in the morning. No job where I need to punch a clock. No longer the need to get up to check vital signs, administer IV antibiotics, TPN, and fluids, change dressings, attend to hygiene, and drive Karis to the hospital by 6:30 a.m. for clinic. And because I naturally wake up around 5:00, I feel the ārightā to spend these moments in bed just listening.
You may not have any of these luxuries.
But unless we figure out some way to make space for stillness in our busy lives (driving to work? cleaning house? taking a walk? taking a few minutes after the kids are in bed?), we miss so much of what the Lord wants to say, to encourage us, to give us clarity about our struggles, to remind us that HE is sovereign, not us. Heās got the whole world in HIS hands. He can dispel anxiety and darkness in our souls with his rays of hope and peace and thankfulnessāif we’re still in his presence long enough!
Isaiah 49:3-4, 6The Lord said to me, āYou are my servant, and you will bring me glory.ā I [Isaiah] replied, āBut my work seems so useless! I have spent my strength for nothing and to no purpose. Yet I leave it all in the Lordās hand; I will trust God for my reward.ā ā¦ And now God says, āI will make youa light to the Gentiles, and you will bring my salvation to the ends of the earth.ā
Matthew 5:14-16 [Jesus said] āYou are the light of the world ā¦ Let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.ā
Philippians 2:14-16 Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people, holding firmly to the word of life.
My just-turned-one granddaughter Juliana watches and tries to imitate everything her older sister Liliana does. The second Lili chooses a toy, that’s the one Juju wants. Yesterday Lili climbed into an empty box pretending it was a train car. Of course, Juju immediately had to climb in too, though she had ignored the box until that moment.
It made me think, “Who am I trying to copy? Who sets the standard of behavior for me?”
A confession:
I sometimes get angry and complain about people who donāt know God because they behave like they donāt know God.
How nonsensical is that?
Another confession:
I sometimes feel outrage at people who claim the name of Christ yet speak and live as if they donāt know Godās love and have never taken seriously Jesusās command to show that love to the world.
But do I look and act any different from the people I judge?
The Lord calls me back, with words like James 1:19-21 and 26, Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. āHuman anger does not produce the righteousness God desires ā¦ If you claim to be religious but donāt control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.ā
The conversation between God and Isaiah in chapter 49 is one you, like me, have probably had with God at times of discouragement. But the dialogue becomes more interesting as we continue reading, because it seems God is not talking just to Isaiah, but more profoundly, with his own son, Jesus, the true light to the Gentiles. After all, Simeon prophesied over the infant Jesus, āHe is a light to reveal God to the nationsā (Luke 2:32).
Thatās NOT how Paul and Barnabas interpreted Isaiah 49:6, however! In Acts 13:46-47, they tell a crowd in Antioch of Pisidia, āWe will offer the word of God to the Gentiles. For the Lord gave us this command when he said, āI have made you a light to the Gentiles, to bring salvation to the farthest corners of the earth.āā
So, itās a partnership, right? Because itās the light of Jesus shining in our hearts that we are to reflect to others (2 Corinthians 4:5-7).
Today Iām asking myself, how am I personally doing with being a light and revealing God? If this question doesnāt humble me, nothing will. I invite you, as I am doing today, to read and pray carefully throughRomans 12. I think itās a great description of what living differently looks like.
Iām asking the Lord to shine his light into my soul to reveal my shortcomings, convict me of my need for him, root out my self-righteousness, and fill me with his compassion. I want to imitate the Lord. I want him to be my model. And I want to notice and learn from the ways people in my life reflect his light according to the standards of Romans 12.
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you … (Romans 12:2)
Isaiah 48:12-13, 17-18 āListen to me ā¦ I alone am God, the First and the Last. It was my hand that laid the foundations of the earth, my right hand that spread out the heavens above. When I call out the stars, they all appear in order. ā¦ I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is good for you and leads you along the paths you should follow. Oh, that you had listened to my commands! Then you would have had peaceflowing like a gentle river and righteousness rolling over you like waves of the sea.ā
Jeremiah 9:24 āThose who wish to boast should boast in this alone: that they truly know me and understand that I am the Lord who demonstrates unfailing love and who brings justice and righteousness to the earth, and that I delight in these things. I, the Lord, have spoken!ā
Matthew 5:43-45 [Jesus said] You have heard the law that says, āLove your neighbor and hate your enemy.ā But I say, love your enemies! ā¦ In that way you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven.
Peace flowing like a gentle river reminds me of the delightful days our family spent on a boat on the Rio Negro (a branch of the Amazon) in 1998, our son’s choice for his “family senior trip” before he graduated from high school and moved from Brazil to the U.S. for college. We discovered there weren’t even mosquitos to trouble us in the middle of that wide, peaceful river! (It averages 8,040 feet wide!) For more adventure, we had to venture into one of the more turbulent tributaries.
Remember the 2005 Jars of Clay song, āThey Will Know We Are Christians by Our Loveā? Isaiah links soul-peace, shalom, to following God’s commands. And Jesus clarified for us that the most important commands are to love God and love each other.
Like me, Iām sure you flinch when you hear people link hateful, UN-loving language and actions to the name of our precious Lord Jesus.
And, like me, you then say, āLord, please show me any ways my own un-loving attitudes and choices bring dishonor to your name.ā
Because when I empty myself of anger, hurt, bitterness, hatred, shame, and resentment by naming them and asking the Holy Spirit to cleanse and heal me, I create space for him to grow in me his multi-faceted fruit of love (Galatians 5:22-23). And his peace flows through my soul. Iāve had to practice this a lot, and itās worth it, because thatās the way I want to live.
Our longing for the Spiritās shalom, his holistic wellbeing, permeating all aspects of our lives, reflects Godās deep desire for each of us. The Lord told Jeremiah to tell us that he delights in these things. Harmony with him results in the kind of peace that bubbles with the creative energy of goodness, energy for building others up rather than tearing them down. For healing rather than harming.
Listen with me to Joni Eareckson Tada sing āWhen Peace Like a River.ā Her passion and generosity to others with disabilities tell me no circumstances are incompatible with Godās peaceācertainly not mine.
Isaiah 47:8, 10-11 āListen to me, you pleasure-loving kingdom, living at ease and feeling secure. You say, āI am the only one, and there is no other.ā ā¦ But your āwisdomāand āknowledgeā have led you astray, and you said, āI am the only one, and there is no other.ā So disaster will overtake you, and you wonāt be able to charm it away ā¦ā
Psalm 40:1-3 [David sang] I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.
āBottom line, itās all about me. I deserve comfort and security, happiness and pleasure. I should put myself first in the choices I make. I deserve this.ā
Last Friday on a delightful tramp through the autumn woods with my son Dan (20,000 steps!), I laughed over the relentless message in our culture that I should prioritize āself-care.ā How do I know that choosing this afternoon to abandon my to-do list and everyone elseās concerns and just enjoy the beauty of fall and the heartening company of my son isnāt my first step down a slippery slope to self-centered hedonism?
Part of the trail at Harrison Hills Park lies along the edge of a bluff above the Allegheny River.
Dan grinned and told me he had just read a book (hereās a review) about substitutes for faith, ways people choose to meet their needs for purpose, significance, community, and ritual when they donāt want āreligion.ā The author identifies self-care and wellness culture as one of those waysāliterally, a substitute for God, what Scripture calls an idol.
I mused that maybe spontaneously taking off one workday afternoon a year might not result in total self-indulgence. Dan said he wouldnāt worry even if I did so once a week. Hmmmā¦
How do we find the balance between obsessive self-focus and appropriate care of our own bodies and souls? I would love to know your thoughts about this! I suspect it has to do with Who or what is primary in our lives. What matters most to you? What does it mean in practice to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love others as we love ourselves (Mark 12:30/Luke 10:27)?
Yesterday I read the last pages of a book Iāve mentioned before, To Be Told, by Dan B. Allender, a psychologist who has devoted his life to the healing of abuse survivors. To my surprise, he addressed the topic of this post. He describes becoming a hilarious giver, passing āpaymentā forward of a debt to God we can never repay, and says we are indebted even to those who did us harmāāI am a debtor to those who sexually abused me because they aroused in me fury and defiance against injustice.ā He then reminds us of a basic premise of this book, that we co-author our stories with God, for purposes greater and more joy-filled than just ourselves.
Hereās a taste of what Allender says in this last chapter:
āWe are not our own; we are Godās. We invest in another when we see ourselves as uniquely privileged and available to join his or her story. Gabriel Marcel speaks of āavailabilityā as a ābeing who is ready for anything, the opposite of him who is occupied or cluttered up with himself.ā Not to be cluttered with oneself means that we have first embraced our life as Godās story, whether we understand or even like what he has written. Further, not to be cluttered with oneself is toembrace enough of our story to say to God and to others, āHe is good. And he has written me well.ā
āAnd perhaps even more, being uncluttered calls me to wrestle with those stories that confuse me, the stories I continue to hold at armās length. We will never be fully at ease with our story, but we can come to love our story profoundly and with more joy. Finally, to be uncluttered is to offer all of who we are, even the parts that are still unredeemed, for the redemption of others ā¦ What we give away often returns with greater goodness than what we originally gave.
āWill I receive from [Christās] wounded hands my dayās portion of story, and will I bring my tears and battered questions for him to engage? Will I bring my story to the gospel and cry out for him to answer? And will I offer my broken story as a gift to others to taste and see that God is both odd and good? If I will do this, then the gift that I receive will stagger meāGodās story will be my own.ā
Like the boy who offered his lunch to Jesus and saw it multiplied to feed thousands of people. Like David, who wrote his ānew songā so that three thousand years later, we can be encouraged. Like my friend who offers hope and skills to other trauma survivors through her DBT classes because of her hard work facing into the confusing and painful parts of her own story. Like my friend who regularly shares her own story of alcoholism to encourage other strugglers through her leadership in AA. Like so many others I admire and learn from.
Today, I am offering my story back to God, not just my personal story, but Facing the Faeries 1906 as well, which I fully believe he coauthored with me. I deeply desire he use this complex, multi-entwined story to nurture and hearten others.
Isaiah 46:2-4, 8-9 [The Lord says] āBoth the idols and their owners are bowed down. The gods cannot protect the people, and the people cannot protect the gods. They go off into captivity together. Listen to me. I have cared for you since you were born. Yes, I carried you before you were born. I will be your God throughout your lifetimeāuntil your hair is white with age. I made you and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you. ā¦ Do not forget this! Keep it in mind! Remember the things I have done in the past. For I alone am God! I am God and there is none like me.ā
Romans 8:38 Nothing can ever separate us from Godās love.
āReader! When you write my story, be sure to tell what God did for me today. Only God could have done this. I want everyone everywhere to know there is nothing and no one else like Him for us to depend on. I want my experience to show others how much He cares for them too. Grief and pain can blind us to Godās presence and loveāI know. But He is walking with us, each one of us.ā
Comments like this one began showing up in Karisās journals when she was a teenager, as did her comment, āAll I see is grace.ā Pain and grief were abundant in her life, but greater and deeper was her confidence in Godās care for her. āWeāre all the same,ā I heard her say again and again. āNone of us can do life by ourselves. Each one of us needs the Lord to carry us through. Maybe itās just a little more obvious for me.ā
Karis “carried” by her brother and friends in high school
Isaiah 46, āI made you and I will care for you,ā is at the heart of my novels, too. My deepest desire is that they will give readers hope, hope for Godās presence and care to undergird their own lives and struggles and challenges.
In 2016, Jen Wilkin published a beautiful little book called None Like Him, taking the title from Isaiah 46:9. The subtitle is Ten Ways God Is Different from Us (and Why Thatās a Good Thing). I plan to re-read it this fall and encourage you to read it as well, in preparation for your celebration of Christmas. I would love to hear how it expands your understanding of God and his care for you!
Isaiah 45:3 I will give you treasures hidden in the darknessāsecret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord, the one who calls you by name.
Isaiah 43:1-2 I have called you by name. You are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.
John 10:3 The shepherd calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.
When our grandson Caleb, now almost six, was learning to talk, he called me Maggie instead of Grammy. I loved it. Recently I told him this and he was affronted. āYouāre kidding me, Grammy. I never did that!ā
But thinking about Caleb’s little voice calling me Maggie still warms my heart. Donāt you delight in being called by an affectionate, just-for-you name by someone you love?
Caleb then and now
And have you heard the Lord of the universe call you by your name?
I have. The memory of it tingles all the way to my toes. To be seen and known by the King of kingsāthereās nothing like it: āYouāre not alone. I hear and see and understand your joys and challenges. I get your fragilities and vulnerabilities and fears. I see your mistakes and overreaching. And I love you. I want to walk with you and show you the way forward.ā
One of these moments occurred a couple of weeks ago in BogotĆ”, Colombia. I was frustrated by missing a whole day of a very special retreat–including my role leading a retreat-within-the-retreat for a group of sixteen women–due to altitude sickness, which I have never experienced before in a lifetime of high-altitude living and visiting. As I lay in bed trying to catch my breath, I heard the Lord say, “Debbie, your value to me does not depend on what you do. I love you just because you are my daughter.”
Mirian, in the striped sweater on the right, did a great job leading the group!
I donāt think thereās any greater encouragement than this–any greater treasure when times are tough and dark. Listen for his still, small voice. Listen to him call you by your name, with all the tenderness and love he nurtures just for you. Because you are his beloved, cherished son or daughter.
Isaiah 44:6, 10 This is what the Lord saysāIsraelās King and Redeemer, the Lord of Heavenās Armies: āI am the First and the Last; there is no other God. ā¦ Who but a fool would make his own godāan idol who cannot help him one bit?ā
James 5:11 The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.
On my trip home from Colombia, I read a book called And I His Servant by Dr. Dick Hillis, the founder of our mission organization, OC International. Itās a collection of his stories, many of them about his experiences in Asia beginning in 1933. (Dr. Hillis’s biography is also available, called Steel in His Soul.)
One chapter, āSincerely Yours,ā would fit neatly into Isaiah 44. Dr. Hillis describes the process of making a mud idol, then says this:
But before I made a further judgment about their sanity, I decided to ask why the people bowed before these idols. āMadam,ā I said, āfor the last ten minutes you have been on your knees bowing before this deity. Would you please tell me why?ā
āSir,ā she replied. āMy husband is out of work. My children are hungry. The landlord has threatened to throw us out. My burdens are heavy and I am asking for help.ā
āAnd you, Sir,ā I said. ā¦
āWe have seven children. The youngest is two weeks old. Her mother is very sick. The midwife canāt stop her bleeding. She has a fever and wonāt eat and I am afraid for my children and their motherās life.ā
The answer to why people bow before gods who have eyes and cannot see and ears and cannot hear, is simple. They have burdens they cannot carry and fears they cannot quiet. They have never met the One who said, āCome to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you restā (Matthew 11:28-30).
It occurs to me today that perhaps we create idolsālikely not made of wood or mud, but rather of other things that matter more to us than the Creator, Redeemer, and Lord of Heavenās Armiesāfor the same reasons: burdens we cannot carry and fears we cannot quiet. We deny, numb, and distract ourselves with our choices of addictions and indulgences, but nothing is really solved or healed. We fight for our independence only to discover weāre not capable of managing life all by ourselves.
And the Lord says to us with compassion, āCome to Me. I will give you rest.ā
Isaiah 43:25 [The Lord, your Redeemer, says] āIāyes, I aloneāwill blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again.ā
Psalm 130:3-4 Lord, if you kept a record of our sins, who, O Lord, could ever survive? But you offer forgiveness.
1 Corinthians 13:5 Love keeps no record of being wronged.
1 John 1:9 If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to God, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.
Iāve just flown back into Pittsburgh over autumn-hued hills, returning from an amazing retreat with seventy leaders from fourteen countries in BogotĆ”, Colombia.
The last retreat session included time for ten of the group to share what they had been hearing from God during our time together. Again and again, people referred to Isaiah, including this chapter, particularly verses 18 and 19 about the “new thing” God is doing through discipling and pastoring of pastors.
I usually think of Isaiah 43 in terms of its first four verses, as a āgo-toā passage when I need reassurance of Godās love and care. You too? But the chapter is so rich, I encourage you to read it all.
Tucked in toward the end of the chapter is another startling evidence of Godās love and care for us: his joy in forgiving our sins and never thinking of them again. God says he does this for his own sakeāto preserve his treasured relationships with us. Surely, he knows we will hurt him again, because we are far from being all we want and should be. But he values the joy enough to forget the pain. He truly delights in us.
Recently a man whose wife was divorcing him asked me to read a letter she had sent him explaining her decision. It was a long litany of what he had done wrong and all the ways he had hurt her during their marriage.
The man said, āIām devastated. In every one of these cases, I recognized and grieved my wrong, asked her to forgive meāwhich she said she didāand tried hard to do better. I wanted her to thrive in my love for her. I longed for us to return to the joy we’d known together.ā
He stopped for a moment to contain his tears and then continued, āObviously, where I thought we had achieved repair, she instead added the incident to her list of my failings. Maybe thatās why she spent so much time journaling. I donāt know what to do. What does she mean at the end of her letter that she still loves me, she just canāt live with me because she knows Iāll hurt her again? Does love keep track of every evidence of fault in the other person?ā
NO. And Jesus, who lived out Godās love through his relationships on earth, invites us to love as he did. For joy!
I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! This is my commandment: Love each other the same way I have loved you (John 15:11-12).
Isaiah 42:1-8 Look at my servant, whom I strengthen. He is my chosen one, who pleases me. I have put my Spirit upon him. He will bring justice to the nations. He will not shout or raise his voice in public. He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. He will bring justice to all who have been wronged. He will not falter or lose heart until justice prevails throughout the earth. ā¦ He gives breath to everyone, life to everyone who walks the earth. And it is he who says, āI, the Lord, have called you to demonstrate my righteousness. I will take you by the hand and guard you ā¦ And you will be a light to guide the nations. You will open the eyes of the blind. You will free the captives from prison. ā¦ I am the Lord, that is my name! I will not give my glory to anyone else.
This photo is from Yemen, but it could be so many other places in the world.
I find this to be one of the most encouraging and the most challenging passages in Scripture. Where would we be without Godās promise to bring justice to the nations, to all who have been wronged? Yet how can we possibly demonstrate his righteousness? Weāre not wise enough, good enough, self-giving enough, strong enough, or brave enough for such an assignment.
I donāt manage to consistently reflect Godās priorities even within my small circle of influence. How can we respond as Godās partners in his purpose to make justice prevail throughout the earth, for each person to whom he gives breath and life? Too often v. 19-20 describe me!
If this call from God on our lives doesnāt keep us humble and on our knees, nothing will.
Two phrases from Isaiah 42 give me hope: āI have put my Spirit upon him,ā and āI will take you by the hand and guard you.ā Itās the Holy Spirit in us who can reflect God accurately, not ourselves. And when God says he will guard us, I think in part that means he will guard us from our own weaknesses, blindness, and inconsistencies as we submit ourselves to him.
God guarded me one day when a young woman dressed in full Sharia-correct garb appeared at Karisās hospital room door. Karis welcomed her with joy, and the two spent a happy hour together. I, to my shame, sat in a corner struggling with feelings of resentment against her and all that in my mind she represented.
But in his mercy, during that hour, God showed me the deep, compassionate, affectionate love in his heart toward āthose people.ā He melted away my prejudices and fears. He took my hand and guarded me against myself. I am so very grateful, because I could have gotten in the way of important relationships in Karisās life, as she poured out the love God had shown me.
I trust you, Lord, to keep on showing me and freeing me from all that does not please and reflect you.
Debra Kornfield 