I haven’t slept well for many years. My mind doesn’t turn off. I go through the night in a mix of dreams and partially awake trying to solve problems or make things happen in my dreams. I’m usually unsuccessful in the problem solving, sometimes losing control of the most simple things. I’m sure psychologists would have fun diagnosing all kinds of things about me based on my dreams!
Along with that, I’ve gotten into a habit of playing games on my laptop in bed as I go to sleep. Life doesn’t always work out the way I’d like during the day. Ha! So playing games that I can usually win is a nice way to wrap up the day. When I’m too tired to keep playing, I go to sleep.
I think there’s a connection between the games and the difficult nights. And a lack of connection with Debbie and with God.
So, over-all not finishing my days well and not sleeping well.
He’s so incredibly patient! Normally, he seems to wait until I’m ready for change before he steps in. Another way of putting it is that he seems to limit stepping into my life until I ask.
Last Monday I asked some dear friends for prayer ministry. I listed a number of areas they could pray for related to ministry and other good things, along with my need for deliverance from the above. They focused on the latter. God took me into a place of resting, pretty much synonymous with abiding and with waiting on him. It was a precious time! It included laying on of hands and anointing with oil.
Four nights have passed. Blessed nights. Nights of rest. No computer games before bed. I have both a conscious and an unconscious sense of resting. Of being at rest. Each night has been quite different, but all of them have been characterized by resting and by enjoying God. My dreams have been blessed, even sometimes humorously lighthearted, encouraging.
I am incredibly grateful for God stepping into my life in such a tangible way, meeting me where I need him, bringing Psalm 23 to life yet once again. Thank You, Lord!