I Trust in God, by Valerie Schalm, critical care, ostomy, and wound care specialist, Pittsburgh, PA

But God never fails

Psalm 62:8 O my people, trust in God at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for he is our refuge.

Last Sunday I visited a church with my family. The sermon was about storms (from Acts 27), times when we might feel forsaken, and learning to remember God’s promises in those moments. Afterward, we sang the song “Trust in God” by Elevation Worship. As we sang, scenes from my entire life flashed before my eyes. I will copy the lyrics below, and I will fill in a few of these scenes, as I believe they are “But God” moments.

Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine

He’s been my fourth man in the fire, time after time

Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood

And what He did for me on Calvary is more than enough

I trust in God, my Savior

The one who will never fail

He will never fail

Perfect submission, all is at rest

I know the author of tomorrow has ordered my steps

So this is my story and this is my song

I’m praising my risen King and Savior all the day long

He didn’t fail you then

He won’t fail you now

When I was three years old, afraid of going upstairs at night, and my sister Rachel taught me to sing “this little light of mine…”

With my sisters visiting our grandparents in Bolivia, Rachel (left), Karis (center)

I sought the Lord and He heard and He answered

When I was in first grade in Brazil, praying for the Lord to bring my mom and sister home safely from her surgery in the U.S…

I sought the Lord and He heard and He answered

When I was in second grade, afraid I would never have a friend, I learned Jesus could be my friend…

I sought the Lord and He heard and He answered

That’s why I trust Him, that’s why I trust Him

When I was at home at night working on a book report about The Hiding Place, and my dad rushed to the hospital to be with my mom as my sister might be dying…

I sought the Lord and He heard and He answered

When I was in middle school on a missions trip, so shy I could not open my mouth – the Lord gave me words to speak, and he gave me friends…

I sought the Lord and He heard and He answered

When I was in high school and the world had lost all color – because I could not see God’s love as my sister suffered in the ICU, so I could not believe in love, so I could not believe in God, then I decided…

I sought the Lord and He heard and He answered

That’s why I trust Him, that’s why I trust Him

When I was in high school, overwhelmed by living in different friends’ houses since my mom was in the U.S. with Karis for intestinal transplant and my dad traveled often, with the uncertainty of my sister’s illness and many giants too great for me to conquer, I found comfort in singing “GREAT is the Lord…”

I sought the Lord and He heard and He answered

When I was a freshman at Notre Dame, at a loss before all the staggering changes in my life – from a small school in Brazil to a large school in the U.S., I knew God remained the same, “Great is thy Faithfulness…”

I sought the Lord and He heard and He answered

When I was a sophomore at Notre Dame, at times feeling profoundly alone, I found a beautiful community of people from all over the world…

I sought the Lord and He heard and He answered

That’s why I trust Him, that’s why I trust Him

When I was a junior at Notre Dame, studying abroad in Italy, struggling to find a Christian community, I found the Baha’i community and was embraced

I sought the Lord and He heard and He answered

When I was in Brazil after my junior year, connected to friends everywhere and nowhere, feeling lost, God opened the door to the kindling of a relationship with my future husband

I sought the Lord and He heard and He answered

When I finished with Notre Dame and nursing school, unsure of how to continue a relationship long-distance, God opened doors for me to move back to Brazil and we were married there amidst beautiful springtime flowers…

I sought the Lord and He heard and He answered

That’s why I trust Him

That’s why I trust in God, my Savior

The one who will never fail

He will never fail

Oh, I trust in God, my Savior

The one who will never fail

He will never fail

I sought the Lord

When I arrived in Pittsburgh in January 2014 to spend time with Karis, after a long time apart and challenging communication due to her brain fog, I had rich days with her in the hospital, days before she left us…

I sought the Lord and He heard and He answered

I sought the Lord (and He delivered me from all my fears)

I sought the Lord (from everything)

And He heard and He answered, oh

That’s why I trust Him, that’s why I trust Him

When I was starting my life in Pittsburgh with Cesar, as we looked for jobs and a place to live…

I sought the Lord and He heard and He answered

When I struggled with infertility…

I sought the Lord and He heard and He answered

My precious miracle son, Caleb, now six years old

When I was living through the nightmare of Covid isolation with my family…

I sought the Lord and He heard and He answered

That’s why I trust Him, that’s why I trust in God

There are many other stories I could tell, but I want to share a moment recently when I felt that I failed to trust the Lord – my daughter was admitted to the hospital due to dehydration, and I felt that everything was out of control, my anxiety was heightened, and I thought this was a sign that I did not know how to trust the Lord.

My daughter Talita, 4, happy and well again.

I have realized that trusting the Lord is not about ME, but about THE LORD. He will never fail. Remembering these stories helps me with this blessed assurance.

Crackpot

But God is the source of our strength

2 Corinthians 4:7 We now have the light of Jesus shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

At the REVER Congress in Pereira, discussing the theme “Finding Joy in Chronic Suffering,” I shared several ways Karis drew strength from 2 Corinthians 4. The whole chapter was important to her. From verse 7, and from a story her mentor Claudia Limpic told her, she adopted for herself the nickname “Crackpot.”

Claudia’s story, as I heard it, is this:

A farmer carried water on his back in two clay pots to his garden each day. On one side of the path from the well to his garden, flowers sprung up. The other side remained barren.

The farmer puzzled over this until one day he noticed that one of the pots was cracked. Each day as he walked to his garden, water dripped out of the cracked pot, watering one side of the path.

Enchanted by this story, Karis prayed that from the “cracked pot” of her “broken” body, beauty would be created in other people’s lives. That through the cracks in her life, God’s light would shine.

Another “cracked pot” concept has been important enough in REVER to make it onto a T-shirt. Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold, making it stronger and more beautiful than it was originally. In REVER, this represents God’s healing work in our lives.

GAVS stands for “Support groups for victims and survivors,” for those who have suffered sexual abuse.

As Karis put it, “All I see is grace.” May you and I find that grace in our own cracked places.

Advent ABC: Shepherd

Isaiah 40:11 (49:9-10) The Lord will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.

Karis was ten. We were in Detroit for surgery on her intestine. The rest of our family was at home in São Paulo, Brazil. (I learned later that eight-year-old Rachel had started a fire in the kitchen trying to cook for her siblings while Dave was out. A neighbor “happened” by, put out the fire, took my children to her house to feed them, and later had words with their father. But that’s another story…)

Before she was taken through the double doors into the surgery suite, I overheard Karis tell a new friend at the hospital that she wasn’t afraid, for herself or for me, because of Isaiah 40:11. The Holy Spirit shot that assurance straight into my heart, puncturing an expanding balloon of worry. Every time I hear Jesus referred to as Shepherd, I flash back to that precious moment.

Our Brazilian friend Roseli painted this for Rachel.

Turn to your Shepherd, the Guardian of your souls … The Lamb on the throne will be your Shepherd. He will lead you to springs of life-giving water and wipe every tear from your eyes (1 Peter 2:25, Revelation 7:17).

The Lord’s My Shepherd, Stuart Townend

Gently

But God understands

Isaiah 40:11, 27-29 He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young. … How can you say the Lord does not see your troubles? … The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

From the time Karis was small, Isaiah 40 was important to us, she the lamb carried in the Lord’s arms, I the mother sheep He gently led. During long nights in hospitals and surgeries, we knew He was not weak or weary. No matter what our current crisis, dilemma, or grief, we knew He understood what we faced.

Karis with her sisters and cousins at a family reunion in Bolivia, 1992 (age 9). On this trip, Karis started getting sick again, after God gave her (and us!) two years of good health to adapt to living in Brazil. Karis was the oldest of eight granddaughters of Dave’s parents. Dan was their only grandson–adored by all the girls. Age 9 was the year Karis started keeping journals.

Aligned with Isaiah 40, two songs encouraged us. The first one you will likely recognize, “Holy, Holy, Holy,” which contains the beautiful line, “merciful and mighty.” It invoked our “lifeline” verses, Lamentations 3:22-24. We counted on God’s mercy and his power, renewed for us every single day.

The other, “Tu és soberano” (You are sovereign), we learned after we moved to Brazil when Karis was seven. Karis had a profound belief that NOTHING happened to her except by her Father’s permission and for some divine purpose. She was always asking not “Why did this happen to me?” in a self-pitying kind of way, but rather “What purpose does God want to accomplish through this?”

Because she asked this question, she was alert to what was going on around her. Who else was in the hospital this time to whom she could extend love? Who would God bring to her whose troubles she could better understand at a heart level because of her own pain and losses?

“Tu és soberano” includes this beautiful line: “Apesar dessa glória que tens, Tu te importas comigo também, e esse amor tão grande eleva-me, amarra-me a Ti, Tu es tremendo” (Despite the glory you have as Sovereign of the universe, you care about me too, and this love lifts me up and binds me to you. You are amazing).

Tears come to my eyes as I remember singing this beautiful worship song, full-throated, with my beloved brothers and sisters in Brazil. They have been God’s human arms to care for us and lift us to the Father not only while we lived in São Paulo, but through their prayers ever since.

I hope Isaiah 40 will encourage you today too.

Even when words aren’t adequate

But God bends down to listen

Isaiah 36 and 37 “This is what the great king of Assyria says: ‘What are you trusting in that makes you so confident?’ … Don’t let Hezekiah deceive you. Don’t let him fool you into trusting in the Lord by saying, ‘The Lord will surely rescue us.’” … The prophet Isaiah said to King Hezekiah, “This is what the Lord says: ‘Do not be disturbed by this blasphemous speech against me from the Assyrian king’s messengers. Listen! I myself will move against him.’” … Hezekiah prayed this prayer before the Lord: “You alone are God of all the kingdoms of the earth. You alone created the heavens and the earth. Bend down, O Lord, and listen! … Then all the kingdoms of the earth will know that you alone, O Lord, are God.” Then Isaiah sent this message to Hezekiah: “This is what the Lord, the God of Israel says: ‘Because you prayed … For my own honor and for the sake of my servant David, I will defend this city and protect it.’” That night the angel of the Lord went out to the Assyrian camp and killed 185,000 Assyrian soldiers. Then King Sennacharib of Assyria broke camp and returned to his own land.

Psalm 116:1-2 I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!

It happens regularly when I’m with my young grandchildren. The tug on my clothing or my hand. The urgency in the child’s voice, “Grammy, listen!”

He or she wants me to stop what I’m doing, bend down to their level so our eyes can connect, and give exclusive attention to whatever the issue is: “I need to show you something,” “I think …” “I want you to help me …” “I’m sad [or mad or glad] because …”

I thought of this when I read Isaiah 36 and 37, this story of a desperate king needing assurance that God saw and cared about his situation. King Hezekiah had no resources in himself adequate to the overpowering strength of the Assyrian army, bent on conquest.

What situation do you face today that’s simply too difficult for you to face on your own? What army do you find arrayed against you?

Cry out to the Lord. Picture him bending down to you, as an adult to a small child. Pour out your need and watch for him to act on your behalf.

I’ve written about this before, but it’s such a powerful example of God bending down to us that I want to remind you and myself again of an experience Karis recorded in her journal. In January 2006, Karis had received a five-organ transplant (the first intestinal transplant in 2004 had failed). After a two-and-a-half-year absence from school as she battled for restoration of health, Karis was able to return to Notre Dame for fall semester, 2006. In January 2007, a doctor told Karis the steroid she had to take to combat rejection had destroyed her hip. He recommended immediate surgery, which would require her dropping out of one more semester at Notre Dame.

Karis was devastated. She threw herself down on the grass beside Mary Lake, her despair too great for words.

And Jesus came to her. She saw him with each one of her scars on his body, in the deepest imaginable identification with her pain. He knew, he cared, he faced this new crisis with her.

God does bend down to listen.

Surely, he took up our pain and bore our suffering (Isaiah 53:4).

Treasure

But God is our sure foundation

Isaiah 33:5-6 Though the Lord is very great and lives in heaven … he will be your sure foundation, providing a rich store of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge. The fear of the Lord will be your treasure.

Last night Dave and I put together a jigsaw puzzle while listening to music on Youtube. Hillsong’s “Oceans” randomly came on and made me teary. It was one of Karis’s favorite songs, an articulation of her lifelong treasure hunt: to find God in the circumstances she faced each day, no matter how painful or challenging or disappointing or rewarding.

The lyrics follow, and you can listen here.

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep my faith will stand

And I will call upon Your Name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Saviour

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Remembering Karis, by Valerie Kornfield Schalm, Pittsburgh

But God’s grace is wonderful

Acts 20:24 But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned my by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God.

Valerie posted this reflection yesterday on her Facebook page.

Nine years ago, we said goodbye to Karis Joy.

With our family gathered today, we lit a candle, said a prayer, and remembered Karis with gratitude and longing (saudades)!

Among other things, we talked about…

…how delighted she would have been to welcome Dan to Pittsburgh, and how she would have loved his new house – with the big picture window, the deck in the back with a beautiful view, and the spacious kitchen…

…how Mom and Karis used to plan escapes from Montefiore Hospital during her free time and have great adventures, Mom pushing her wheelchair and IV pole up and down the Oakland streets, to the library (she had to be taken back to the hospital by the police), getting shut out of Montefiore in the maze of underground passageways connecting the various Oakland hospitals, popping up once in the psychiatric hospital and being taken as one of their patients, taking tunnels or going overland to the Children’s Hospital to visit patients there, to the Phipps Conservatory outdoor garden, even making it through upper Pitt campus all the way to the Franzen’s house once…

…how vibrant and strong and full of life she was, vivacious, passionate, excited about a million plans and projects and people, especially in times when illness did not limit her as much…

…how the struggle of her decline was a combination of losing physical and mental capacity…

…how she tried so many times to fix Abuelita’s (my Dad’s mom’s) old piano and took it with her from South Bend to each of her homes in Pittsburgh…

…how her dreams sometimes seemed too lofty, but sometimes found serendipity, like when she planned a fundraising website for a program serving underprivileged children near our home in São Paulo, and received a donation of $10,000…

…how she loved to create and enjoy art, and took several of us to local art shows and exhibits…

…how my work is connected to her life, both in the PICU and with wound and ostomy care. I hope to honor her and bless other patients and families as I connect with them in times of need…

Karis, we love you and miss you! Thank you for the ways you continue to walk with us. We look forward to the day when our eyes touch again!

A story in three parts

But God gives joy

Psalm 145:7 Everyone will share the story of your wonderful goodness; they will sing with joy about your righteousness.

Psalm 90:14-16 Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love, O Lord, so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives. Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery! Replace the evil years with good. Let us, your servants, see you work again; let our children see your glory.

A couple of weeks ago, at the beginning of a small group meeting, the leader asked us each to share in one word what we were feeling. I surprised myself by saying “joy.”

Why is that worth telling you about? Isn’t that a fairly common experience?

Well, not for me, not at this time of the year.

Since 2014, the cold, dark, gray days have put a dragging sense of foreboding in the pit of my stomach. I know what’s coming. The constant struggle to keep Karis warm as she bounces in and out of the hospital. The quickly approaching end of November date the nephrologist gave us when Karis’s kidneys would stop functioning. Her increasing lack of strength and energy. Her most-of-the-night pre-Christmas conversation with Hildete, when she and Pastor Vandeir visited us from Brazil, about her death and how it would impact her family and all she had wanted to accomplish and her sense that the Promise and the Prophecy given to her at age 16 had not been fulfilled. The aborted trip to Florida when she developed a line infection the day before we were to fly. The wrenching I felt leaving her behind in the ICU. Her middle-of-the-night call, her hoarse voice barely audible: “Mama, please come.” The diagnosis of H1N1, swine flu. And all the events leading to her death in the wee hours of Feb. 5^th, the roads so icy we couldn’t make it to the hospital for several more hours.

Every other year before this one, at this time of the year, I haven’t been able to shake the waves of grief associated with the holiday season. So, yes: for me, to realize I was feeling joy and anticipation instead of grief and dread was an amazing experience, this ninth year since it all happened.

My three-part story today is one of gratitude. The first part was the thirty years of life with Karis. The second part was the long grieving of living without her. The third part is the discovery that joy can take the place of grief. It’s such a hopeful feeling. I want to say to everyone grieving a huge loss, “Don’t despair! It may take a long time. Each person’s experience is different. But I know now it’s possible to reach the third part of the story, when tears flow out of deep joy and thankfulness instead of the deep pain of mourning.” I’m tasting the joy Karis herself feels now!

Turn toward, not away

But Jesus predicts hardship

Matthew 24:7-14, 20, 25 Nation will go to war against nation … There will be famines and earthquakes in many parts of the world. But all this is only the first of the birth pains, with more to come. Then you will be arrested, persecuted, and killed. You will be hated all over the world because you are my followers. And many will turn away from me and betray and hate each other. And many false prophets will appear and will deceive many people. Sin will be rampant everywhere, and the love of many will grow cold. But the one who endures to the end will be saved. … See, I have warned you about this ahead of time.

One reason Karis cites in her journals for wanting her story told is the prevalence in some places of a “health and wealth gospel,” the idea that if you have “enough” faith, God will make you prosperous and free of suffering. A message Jesus neither modeled nor taught. Karis reacted passionately against the implied judgment of this belief on many of her friends who were neither healthy nor wealthy but lived their lives of hardship in deep faith and joy in God’s love for them, measured not in gifts of the world but in gifts of the heart.

*Karis’s journals, written over twenty years in her tiny script*

One time when Karis was hospitalized as a teenager, suffering from uncontrollable diarrhea and dehydration that led to several months on TPN (nutrition through her blood stream), “chained,” as she said, to an IV pump, a woman we didn’t know showed up in her hospital room. The woman told me she had crossed Brazil by bus to deliver a message from God to Karis. She then turned to Karis, who was too weak at the time to stand, and demanded she confess her sins of unbelief, get out of that bed, and live the triumphant life of faith. “You are a disgrace to the Gospel and to God,” she shouted at Karis. “Shame on you! Shame on your family, pretending to be ministers of the Lord. Look at you, wasting resources on hospitals and machines and medicines. Unbelievers! This money should go to the churches!”

She walked over to Karis and yanked her arm. “Down on your knees now, you hypocritical sinner! Confess your unbelief! Then stand up and walk and end this charade!”

By then, of course, I was loosening the woman’s grip on Karis and escorting her to the door. “I have been obedient! I have delivered God’s message! The rest is up to you!” She was still shouting as I closed the door and ran to Karis, who heaved with sobs.

Later, when she was stronger, Karis spoke to me about the woman’s visit, with an intensity I had not seen in her before. “Mama,” she said, “that woman blasphemed my Lord. I can’t bear it.” She began crying again. “It’s not what she said about me—I can handle that. I know I need to grow in faith, especially in faith to trust him when I’m weak and in pain. It’s what she said about who God is, as if he hasn’t walked with me and loved me and comforted me and provided for me with such gentle tenderness all my life. As if his words to me every day—words of love and encouragement—are not true. That hurt me to my core. Mama, please don’t let such a thing happen again. I can’t bear it. It’s like a sword piercing my heart.”

Then her smile broke out. “Maybe that woman doesn’t know about the thousands of people praying for me around the world. They can’t all be as deficient in faith as us, right?” She giggled. “Well, I’m in cahoots with God. From now on, I’m going to pray for God to heal whatever has wounded her. I’m going to pray she can know how extravagantly her Father loves her.”

Perhaps in Heaven Karis has been privileged to know the result of her prayers for this woman whose name we never learned. Lord, if she’s still alive, please care for her.

Reading Matthew 24—which sounds all too sadly familiar, doesn’t it?—this is what caught my attention. “Many will turn away from me … and the love of many will grow cold.”

Love God and love each other (John 13:34-35). Isn’t that Jesus’ central message? A direct contrast to “betray and hate each other.”

When we turn toward Jesus, our love for him and for people grows. When we turn away from Jesus, the natural consequence is hatred and slander.

Let’s turn toward Jesus. Whatever the circumstances of our lives.

Hold tightly!

But God keeps his promises

Hebrews 10:23, 34 Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. … There are better things waiting for you that will last forever.

Matthew 28:20 “Be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

One thing I enjoyed about having breakfast with our friends Mary and Bill was the “promise of the day” they read from a small card extracted from their “promise box.” I imagine Bill continues this practice even though Mary is not there to enjoy it with him.

The promise I most depend on is this one, the last words recorded by Matthew: “I am with you always.” Since Jesus is with me, I’m not ever alone. Everything I care about is under his care and sovereignty. And he himself is the fulfillment of all the other promises.

I want to tell you a “But God” story from last week that relates to this promise. The Karis book in Portuguese will finally be launched by Editora Betânia in Brazil on May 2, 11:00 Eastern time, through an Instagram “Live” @editorabetania. The book has been delayed by Covid, by scheduling issues, and by lack of paper for printing. Finally, though, it’s all coming together. You’re welcome to join us, though it will be in Portuguese!

*With its own Brazilian-style cover and color photos inside!*

Along with this exciting news, Betânia’s marketing director, Egleson, gave me a long list of tasks to complete. Since I’m not in Brazil, my part of the promotion of the book must be done virtually. It’s not intuitive for me! I had to learn to use Instagram and invite my Brazilian Facebook friends to follow me and Betânia on that site so they can attend the launch. I had to make videos and other posts that fit within Instagram’s parameters. (I know, it’s probably simple for you.)

I struggled one whole morning without much success with understanding a series of procedures new to me. In frustration I cried out to the Lord, “I need help! I need someone who can show me what I’m doing wrong!

Within seconds of my prayer, a message flashed onto my Instagram screen from a Brazilian friend I haven’t seen or talked to for at least twenty years. “Debra, do you need any help with online advertising for the Karis book? I’m trained in that.”

Yeah. I was (am!) stunned. But wait—there’s more!

When I told Vanessa her offer was a direct answer from God, she said, “Well, your need is a direct answer to my prayer. Last week I was diagnosed with metastatic cancer. I asked God to give me something to do to divert my focus from myself, my fear and worry about this health struggle. Then I saw your announcement on Facebook. I want to do all I can to help you let people know about this book. I’ve been reading other things I’ve found written about Karis, and her faith is helping to stabilize mine as I face a huge battle with cancer.”

My need is small. Vanessa’s is huge, literally life-threatening. That God could use us (and the internet!) to help each other is so creative and generous of our Lord. Could there be any greater confirmation that God is with me, even though this work is hard for me? That it is worth what it cost me and my family to write the book? At this moment, for me, I can’t imagine anything that would more effectively shout God’s promise, I am with you. And with Vanessa, facing the assault of cancer.

Many times, I have not felt God’s presence with me. I have cried out to him and have not seen such an immediate response. You too?

Yet our feelings don’t change the trustworthiness of God’s promise, for God cannot lie. He is with us, in our need, whether enormous like Vanessa’s or small like mine. Hold tightly, the author of Hebrews encourages us!

As if to put this word from God to me in bold and italics, yesterday in church we sang a song new to me. I hope it will encourage you as it does me.