Psalm 143:10 Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing.
Sometimes life feels so unpredictable walking forward feels “ashy.”
I internalized that image from an experience I had when I was fourteen. I attended a youth retreat a few hours from my home in Guatemala, designed for MKs (missionary kids) for whom such an experience was rare. What a privilege! I have never forgotten the fun of spending time with other teens, nor the impact of our speaker Ron Blue’s teaching about Romans 12:1-2: Don’t conform to the world …
During the retreat we got to hike a mountain next to Pacaya, an active volcano. It was hard! A recent eruption had buried the trails in several feet of still-warm ash. Have you ever tried to walk through ash? Imagine trying to climb a hill when with every step you try to take you slide backwards or sideways. Just keeping your balance, or getting to your feet again after you fall, feels like the toughest thing you’ve ever tackled. And the ash gets into your clothes, into your mouth and eyes, covers your skin … A “slippery slope” for sure.
Pacaya Volcano: Shutterstock yggdrasill
We didn’t manage to hike far. We finally got around to the side of the mountain not facing Pacaya, where we could sit, gulp water, and gasp over the majesty of a circle of volcanoes, a crystalline blue lake nestled in the valley between them. As we took in the view, our speaker challenged us to give our lives to the Creator of all this beauty, a trustworthy guide.
Our leaders decided we should walk downhill on that side of the mountain, to avoid most of the ash. What a delight and relief to find firm footing! We no longer took it for granted.
All this was still vivid in my mind when a short time later I moved to the U.S. to live with a family I didn’t know in a foreign world where almost nothing was as I expected.
Occasionally another teen would give me hints about how to dress, how to behave, how to talk, how to relate, guiding me to a firmer path through the strange adolescent milieu of an American high school. They probably had little idea how important I found their willingness to share their knowledge. Despite Romans 12:2, there were many ways I needed to conform to this world! Sorting all that out sometimes felt like walking through ash.
Our sibling group is walking through some tough uncharted “ashy” terrain related to health and aging. It’s good to know that we can trust the Holy Spirit to guide us on solid ground.
But Jesus never leaves us Lenten question from John #8 April 5, 2025
John 6:58-69 [Jesus said] “I am the true bread that came down from heaven. Anyone who eats this bread will not die as your ancestors did.” … Many of his disciples said, “This is very hard to understand. How can anyone accept it?” Jesus was aware that his disciples were complaining, so he said to them, “Does this offend you? Then what will you think if you see the Son of Man ascend to heaven again? The Spirit alone gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life.” … At this point many of his disciples turned away and deserted Jesus. Then Jesus turned to the Twelve and asked, “Are you also going to leave?” Simon Peter replied, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life. We believe, and we know you are the Holy One of God.”
Proverbs 3:5-8 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. … Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones.
Many times during our daughter Karis’s thirty year history, I questioned and doubted that God knew and cared about what she was going through. It’s tough to watch your child in unrelenting pain and loss and to feel helpless to protect and provide for her and to ease her suffering.
God didn’t explain himself to me. The consistent message I received was that I was free to walk away from him. But then I wouldn’t know his Presence, his comfort, or his guidance. I would likely become angry and bitter, and miss his many, many good gifts along the way. Life would become hollow and hopeless. I would be a mess emotionally and have little to offer to my family.
Even if we walk away from the Lord in our tough times, he will never leave us Shutterstock: Mike Ver Sprill
This passage from John is theologically complex. I’m not going to get into that. What stands out to me is how easy it is to doubt God and walk away from him when something happens that we don’t understand.Have you had this experience?
I know that many people, including myself, are tempted by this kind of despair right now, as events and decrees across our country threaten the wellbeing of people we love in myriad ways. Yesterday I talked with a friend who said, “They are deliberately trying to exterminate people like me.” She has solid justification for this deep fear. If Karis were still alive, I would have the same fear for her life.
What do we do with this kind of distress? “Bandaid” answers don’t help, like “Don’t worry; everything will be OK” or “Just trust God—obviously you’re anxious because you don’t have enough faith.” All they do is show the one in distress you want out—you don’t want to feel what she feels. These responses make the one in fear feel more isolated and alone than they already were.
How can we respond? First, listen deeply to our own hearts and to others. Then, acknowledge our distress to God. Tell him exactly how we feel and why. Entrust our fears to the Lord. Ask him to take our burden of fear and anxiety, as he has already done on the cross. Open our hearts to receive his peace, peace that doesn’t depend on understanding our circumstances, but rather, on trusting him and his love for us. And do this again, every time fear and anxiety stir in us once more. Several times a day if needed.
The things we fear can actually happen. Our faith does not make us immune. Jesus assures us that we will not walk through tough times alone. He has promised to walk with us, to bear our burdens, to NEVER leave or forsake us. That’s what we depend on. We may not understand what we’re going through. But our Lord does understand us and how much we need his presence with us, his encouragement and his strength.
We are not alone. Even in dark valleys where nothing seems to make sense.
The sun was beaming across the Laurel Mountains of Western Pennsylvania as I cruised the Turnpike on my way to gather with a group of friends I had come to know intimately over the last two years only on Zoom. We all share a common disease and meet five mornings a week just as millions of others meet in a wide variety of other places and ways and who fight the same disease together. I had my ear buds in listening to someone share his story. I was in the far-left lane doing the speed limit of 70mph when suddenly I realized my car was veering to the right. I saw the rear corner of a trailer being towed by a pickup truck in the lane to my right coming at my car much too fast. I knew I needed to brake, yet my foot seemed stuck to the accelerator. I slammed into the trailer full force. My car caromed off the trailer and spun around. I braked, landed on the berm of the road, drove off to the center, and came to a stop all in a matter of nanoseconds. I unhooked my seat belt and got out of my car completely uninjured. I stood on the side of the highway holding my cell phone in a total daze. What just happened? I thought I was going to an event at the Jersey Shore. It turns out God had other plans.
The next several hours passed quickly and included State Police, talking with the pickup driver, seeing the damage to his trailer, riding in the tow truck that would haul my car to a nearby garage, and, most of all, getting in touch with all those people I was so anxious to see face-to-face after two years of wondering…. How tall is Sammy? Is Charlotte left-handed? What does Sylvia really look like all dressed up? Would I ever know? Over the next several hours, I sat in the garage waiting room, and I began to hear from all those Zoom connections. Word travels fast in that group. Harry, Vera, Betty, Bob, Carol, Henry, Alisa, James, Lucy, Murray, the list goes on (the names are changed to protect their anonymity). Some texted. Others made real phone calls. Some sent emails reminding me they loved me and were praying for me. Not even one said anything about my being foolish to try to drive alone the 5 ½ hours to the Jersey Shore. Never did anyone say I “should” have done anything any different. That’s not what happens with people like that. There is unconditional love and acceptance. There is complete trust in God. There is a knowledge that God has a plan for each of us and our job is to stay open to God’s plan however it comes and to trust whatever form it takes. Faith and trust in God always come first. The idea that my car was totaled, and I was left unhurt was part of a plan God has in mind for some reason. Now it remains my job to accept my circumstances, pay attention, stay willing to see what that might be. And these close “Zoom” friends where with me in spirit – unconditionally. I knew that right away. I wasn’t frightened.
I called my insurance company. As they walked me through the questions, it felt harmless and even blameless to a degree even though it was my car that went wrong, and I was at the wheel. No one else to lay any blame on. Arrangements for having the car towed from that small town an hour outside my city were made. I took a taxi back home. It cost $200.00.
The next day a friend drove me to a local hospital ER so I could get checked out. I was given lots of appropriate tests for internal bleeding, bruising, a CT scan with and w/o contrast. All testing came back negative. I was very fortunate. God has a plan, I know. However, I also know God does not necessarily reveal His plan on my time. God’s time and my time are inevitably quite different. Coming home from the hospital ER, I began to realize that none of it felt “real” to me. I couldn’t believe I didn’t have a car. My insurance had arranged for me to get a rental car, but when Enterprise called to make those arrangements, I told them I wasn’t ready. There was a part of me that didn’t want to drive. Not yet.
The shock or trauma was slow to wear off, but eventually I got the rental car. I didn’t drive much at first and our local weather patterns presented us with unseasonal snowfall that also kept me indoors. I used that time to contemplate what God’s plan might be for me. I have one big project that is ending, and I am looking forward to what I want to do next. I like to be busy and productive. I like to be connected to others and feel useful. I know that God knows that about me. One thing for certain is that I no longer refer to what happened as a car “Accident.” I feel it was a “God Experience” that happened to involve my car. In the couple of weeks following that day, I have gone through my small apartment and removed items that are no longer necessary to my life as it is today. I am making room for whatever God has in store for me. I rearranged some furniture, got rid of two pieces and lots of books and clothing that no longer fits. I found breathing room and wall space.
Isaiah 30:21 “If you go the wrong way – to the right or to the left – you will hear a voice behind you saying, ‘This is the right way. You should go this way.”
I spend early morning time for about an hour and a half in prayer and meditation so I can stay close to God and available when He calls or opens a door, I’m ready. When Covid came and took over our lives in one way or another, it changed the way I lived in many ways including my decisions about being in groups or socializing at all. I find it difficult to return to any former patterns or make new ones. Hence, each new encounter is an opportunity to meet God in new ways and experience Gods gifts and His presence. I got a call yesterday from the insurance people telling me the amount of settlement for my car that was totaled. It is certainly a fair amount, and I could start to look for another car. I am not certain I want to do that right now. Maybe I’ll wait. Maybe I’ll wait and see what God has in mind for me next. I’m content that God’s plan for me doesn’t need flashing lights or a headline. I will stay Open and Willing. I sat in a meeting the other day – an in-person meeting – and raised my hand to say I would need a ride next week because I would no longer have a car. Afterward a woman came over and introduced herself to me and said she would love to offer to drive me. She is new to the area but lives near where I do. God’s plan can be walking down the street with New Life and Love in my Heart. Maybe that is Enough. Thank you, God.
2 Corinthians 3:18 “We all show the Lord’s glory, and we are being changed to be like him. This change in us brings ever greater glory which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”
Debra Kornfield 