What are our kids learning from us?

But God’s Spirit will not leave us

Isaiah 59:21 “And this is my covenant with them,” says the Lord. “My Spirit will not leave them, and neither will these words I have given you. They will be on your lips and on the lips of your children and your children’s children forever. I, the Lord, have spoken!”

Have you seen The Chosen Season 5, Episode 4, where the disciples recite the traditional 14-point Dayenu (“it would have been enough”), detailing some of God’s miracles in the history of Israel?

Later in the episode, the women recite their own Dayenu, but they personalize it in a moving recital of God’s wonderful works in their own lives. This prompted me to articulate (in Spanish) some of God’s acts in my own experience, spanning seven decades, several continents, and a series of seemingly impossible situations.

I recommend trying this. It’s more than an encouraging exercise—it’s a stimulus for praise! The biggest challenge is to contain all he has done in fourteen points.

I haven’t talked with my family about this yet, but I’ve been thinking about how we might do something similar this Thanksgiving, in part to pass on to our children and grandchildren some of what God has done for Dave and me. That’s what the Jewish Dayenu tradition does: it rehearses and passes down God’s acts from generation to generation.

Shutterstock: Carlo Prearo

And God doesn’t change. When he does marvelous things in my life, it’s not just for me. It’s a revelation of his character and purposes for all who witness or hear about it. That’s true for you too, hence this blog, where I long to showcase him through YOUR “God stories.”

As Mary expressed it in her song of praise (called the Magnificat):

The Mighty One is holy, and he has done great things for me

He shows mercy from generation to generation to all who fear him.

What great things has God done for you?

Song of Mary by Liturgical Folk

Tethered to God’s love

But God never stops loving us

Romans 8:39 Nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

In the airport, I saw a toddler harnessed to his mother, who also pushed a baby in a stroller. And then heard a passerby say, “That is so wrong! Treating a child like a dog!”

I reacted differently. I thought, “Oh, that is so smart! The child won’t experience the terror of getting lost and separated from his mom. And navigating the crowded concourse, she doesn’t have to worry so much about losing him, while also caring for her baby.”

Perhaps my positive response is linked to the challenge our mission team has given to each of us, to summarize our life story (60, 70, 80 years of intense living) in 35 minutes for our teammates. This begins today, as we are gathered at a Quaker retreat center on the beautiful coast of Oregon.

*Twin Rocks at Rockaway Beach, OR* Shutterstock: Cynthia Liang

As I’ve thought about my story, the phrase “tethered to God’s love” seems a perfect summary statement. All kinds of forces, both external and internal, have threatened my relationship with my Father. Yet here I am, at seventy, more attached to him than ever. Not because of me, who would so easily wander or run away, but because he holds onto me—while at the same time giving me enough slack to move “on my own.”

As I’ve thought about my life, I’ve recalled numerous times when I’ve not even been sure I wanted to continue living. Everything felt just too hard. But God intervened each time, through people, through circumstances, through his Word, through the Holy Spirit’s comfort. He kept on holding on.

I’m so grateful for his tether.

Open our eyes to the blessings

But God fills our lives with good things

Psalm 103:5 He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!

Litany of Penitence 2:

For our self-pity and impatience,

And our envy of those we think more fortunate than ourselves;

Lord, have mercy upon us

For we have sinned against you.

Iguazú Falls, Brazil Shutterstock:sharptoyou

Thou that hast giv’n so much to me,

Give one thing more, a gratefull heart …

Not thankfull, when it pleaseth me;

As if thy blessings had spare dayes:

But such a heart whose pulse may be

Thy praise.

George Herbert, 1633

I Thank God, Hillsong

Be still

But God asks us to listen

Isaiah 50:4-5, 10 The Sovereign Lord has given me his words of wisdom, so that I know how to comfort the weary. Morning by morning he wakens me and opens my understanding to his will. The Sovereign Lord has spoken to me, and I have listened. … If you are walking in darkness, without a ray of light, trust in the Lord and rely on your God.

Psalm 46:10 Be still and know that I am God.

This will be a busy week. For you, too?

That’s why I had to lie in bed long enough this morning to be still and listen to the Lord, to reflect on the looong list of blessings he has poured into my life (including a wonderful trip to eastern PA and New Jersey to visit beloved friends–we got home last night). Long enough to verbalize that I want to walk through this week with joy and thankfulness instead of stress.

Focused listening isn’t always easy. The last post, I made two confessions. Here’s another:

Sometimes when my husband is talking to me at length about his day, the people he has talked with, the plans he has made with them, the conundrums he faces, I let my own thoughts and concerns distract me.

Later, when he references a prior conversation, I may have only a vague idea of what he’s talking about.

Does this matter? It certainly does when he is asking for my perspective on a situation he believes I already understand because of what he has explained to me before. If I’m to give him any kind of useful feedback, I have to admit my failure to listen and request another explanation—not optimal for him or for me. Or for finding a solution to whatever the current dilemma may be.

How often do I treat God the same way? Let my mind be so busy with my own “stuff” that I fail to hear what he wants to say to me.

A lovely counselor, teacher, and pray-er name Leanne Payne (you can find her books on the internet) used to say, “Listen to the word of love God is always speaking to you.”

My experience bears this out. God is always communicating with us. Are we stopping to listen? Have we learned to quiet our own thoughts enough to hear his still, small voice?

Lying in bed after I wake up in the morning, to hear God’s voice in the stillness, has become a habit. It anchors me into his love. It doesn’t take the place of my “quiet time,” when I read Scripture and pray. Rather, it allows me to benefit from what he has to say to me, without concern yet for what I want to say to him. This focused listening usually results in deep gratitude.

Granted, I have many advantages: an “empty nest”—no children needing my attention early in the morning. No job where I need to punch a clock. No longer the need to get up to check vital signs, administer IV antibiotics, TPN, and fluids, change dressings, attend to hygiene, and drive Karis to the hospital by 6:30 a.m. for clinic. And because I naturally wake up around 5:00, I feel the “right” to spend these moments in bed just listening.

You may not have any of these luxuries.

But unless we figure out some way to make space for stillness in our busy lives (driving to work? cleaning house? taking a walk? taking a few minutes after the kids are in bed?), we miss so much of what the Lord wants to say, to encourage us, to give us clarity about our struggles, to remind us that HE is sovereign, not us. He’s got the whole world in HIS hands. He can dispel anxiety and darkness in our souls with his rays of hope and peace and thankfulness—if we’re still in his presence long enough!

Be still, my soul. The Lord is on your side!

How long, Lord?

How long, Lord?

But God opens his hand

Psalm 145:15 The eyes of all look to you in hope; you give them their food as they need it. When you open your hand, you satisfy the hunger and thirst of every living thing.

Psalm 130:5 I am counting on the Lord; yes, I am counting on him. I have put my hope in his word.

What a delight to care for my two-month-old granddaughter Juliana yesterday, satisfying her hunger with the milk my daughter had left for her.

I felt overwhelmed with gratitude for little JuJu’s health. I couldn’t help flashing back to Karis at that age, in the hospital and unable to swallow without bilious vomiting even one teaspoon slow drip over an hour.

And I started thinking about all the ways God fed Karis despite her dysfunctional intestines. Had she been born even a few years earlier, TPN (elemental nutrition administered directly into the veins) would not have been available for her. She was the first baby to survive infancy with her condition, thanks to TPN and to God’s dramatic intervention when the doctors asked us to remove life support and let her go, and instead her intestine inexplicably started functioning for the first time.

After that, for a while, she was able to nurse. When her intestines shut down again, she had a combination of TPN and pregestimil, administered half-strength slow drip through a kangaroo pump. (At other times in her life she actually drank that horrible stuff.) There were long periods when the only foods she tolerated were yogurt and boiled chicken breast. She had her own special “yogurt spoon.”

There were periods when she could eat a variety of foods, but that could morph in a matter of minutes into painful, life-threatening bowel obstructions and dehydration. We tried all kinds of combinations and concoctions. When she lost too much weight, the docs would put her back on TPN, which led to its own complications and scary line infections.

One day in Brazil when Karis was in high school, struggling to live a version of “normal life,” I carried my Bible into her bedroom open to Psalm 145 and told her God had spoken to me very directly through one verse; could she guess which it was?

She glanced at the page to see which psalm I was showing her and said, “Verse 15, right, Mom? Don’t I keep telling you to stop worrying about me? But Mom, what about all the children who starve, not because they can’t eat, like me, but because they simply don’t have food to eat? How does this verse apply to them?”

Her eyes filled with tears. “Mom, I wish I could use the money our insurance is spending to keep me alive to feed the children who don’t have food. Why can’t I, Mom? The world is totally out of whack, with so many resources invested in me and so few in them. It’s not right. What can I do? How can God bear it? How can we make the world a more equitable place?”

By now Karis was sobbing, and I with her. I still don’t know the answers to her questions. We have so much. Others have so little.

Remembering all this today, I think of God’s promise that the time will come when there is no more hunger and thirst. For the Lamb on the throne will be their Shepherd. He will lead them to springs of life-giving water. And God will wipe every tear from their eyes (Revelation 7:16-17). How long, Lord? How long?

As this season focuses our attention on the Source of our hope, God himself become a helpless, hungry infant, savor this beautiful reflection by Luci Shaw, “Mary’s Song” (thanks, Shari!):

Blue homespun and the bend of my breast

keep warm this small hot naked star

fallen to my arms. (Rest . . .

you who have had so far

to come.) Now nearness satisfies

the body of God sweetly. Quiet he lies

whose vigor hurled

a universe. He sleeps

whose eyelids have not closed before.

His breath (so slight it seems

no breath at all) once ruffled the dark deeps

to sprout a world.

Charmed by doves’ voices, the whisper of straw,

he dreams,

hearing no music from other spheres.

Breath, mouth, ears, eyes

he is curtailed

who overflowed all skies,

all years.

Older than eternity, now he

is new. Now native to earth as I am, nailed

to my poor planet, caught that I might be free,

blind in my womb to know my darkness ended,

brought to this birth

for me to be new-born,

and for him to see me mended

I must see him torn.

Waiting for Baby Jesus … beautiful creche fashioned from cardboard boxes, tape, and paint by our friend Lineth.

Enough, by a friend

Psalm 32:8 The Lord says, “I will make you wise and show you where to go. I will guide you and watch over you.”

But God saved me

Shutterstock: Lukas Gojda

The sun was beaming across the Laurel Mountains of Western Pennsylvania as I cruised the Turnpike on my way to gather with a group of friends I had come to know intimately over the last two years only on Zoom. We all share a common disease and meet five mornings a week just as millions of others meet in a wide variety of other places and ways and who fight the same disease together. I had my ear buds in listening to someone share his story. I was in the far-left lane doing the speed limit of 70mph when suddenly I realized my car was veering to the right. I saw the rear corner of a trailer being towed by a pickup truck in the lane to my right coming at my car much too fast. I knew I needed to brake, yet my foot seemed stuck to the accelerator. I slammed into the trailer full force. My car caromed off the trailer and spun around. I braked, landed on the berm of the road, drove off to the center, and came to a stop all in a matter of nanoseconds. I unhooked my seat belt and got out of my car completely uninjured. I stood on the side of the highway holding my cell phone in a total daze. What just happened? I thought I was going to an event at the Jersey Shore. It turns out God had other plans.

The next several hours passed quickly and included State Police, talking with the pickup driver, seeing the damage to his trailer, riding in the tow truck that would haul my car to a nearby garage, and, most of all, getting in touch with all those people I was so anxious to see face-to-face after two years of wondering…. How tall is Sammy? Is Charlotte left-handed? What does Sylvia really look like all dressed up? Would I ever know? Over the next several hours, I sat in the garage waiting room, and I began to hear from all those Zoom connections. Word travels fast in that group. Harry, Vera, Betty, Bob, Carol, Henry, Alisa, James, Lucy, Murray, the list goes on (the names are changed to protect their anonymity). Some texted. Others made real phone calls. Some sent emails reminding me they loved me and were praying for me. Not even one said anything about my being foolish to try to drive alone the 5 ½ hours to the Jersey Shore. Never did anyone say I “should” have done anything any different. That’s not what happens with people like that. There is unconditional love and acceptance. There is complete trust in God. There is a knowledge that God has a plan for each of us and our job is to stay open to God’s plan however it comes and to trust whatever form it takes. Faith and trust in God always come first. The idea that my car was totaled, and I was left unhurt was part of a plan God has in mind for some reason. Now it remains my job to accept my circumstances, pay attention, stay willing to see what that might be. And these close “Zoom” friends where with me in spirit – unconditionally. I knew that right away. I wasn’t frightened.

I called my insurance company. As they walked me through the questions, it felt harmless and even blameless to a degree even though it was my car that went wrong, and I was at the wheel. No one else to lay any blame on. Arrangements for having the car towed from that small town an hour outside my city were made. I took a taxi back home. It cost $200.00.

The next day a friend drove me to a local hospital ER so I could get checked out. I was given lots of appropriate tests for internal bleeding, bruising, a CT scan with and w/o contrast. All testing came back negative. I was very fortunate. God has a plan, I know. However, I also know God does not necessarily reveal His plan on my time. God’s time and my time are inevitably quite different. Coming home from the hospital ER, I began to realize that none of it felt “real” to me. I couldn’t believe I didn’t have a car. My insurance had arranged for me to get a rental car, but when Enterprise called to make those arrangements, I told them I wasn’t ready. There was a part of me that didn’t want to drive. Not yet.

The shock or trauma was slow to wear off, but eventually I got the rental car. I didn’t drive much at first and our local weather patterns presented us with unseasonal snowfall that also kept me indoors. I used that time to contemplate what God’s plan might be for me. I have one big project that is ending, and I am looking forward to what I want to do next. I like to be busy and productive. I like to be connected to others and feel useful. I know that God knows that about me. One thing for certain is that I no longer refer to what happened as a car “Accident.” I feel it was a “God Experience” that happened to involve my car. In the couple of weeks following that day, I have gone through my small apartment and removed items that are no longer necessary to my life as it is today. I am making room for whatever God has in store for me. I rearranged some furniture, got rid of two pieces and lots of books and clothing that no longer fits. I found breathing room and wall space.

Isaiah 30:21 “If you go the wrong way – to the right or to the left – you will hear a voice behind you saying, ‘This is the right way. You should go this way.”

I spend early morning time for about an hour and a half in prayer and meditation so I can stay close to God and available when He calls or opens a door, I’m ready. When Covid came and took over our lives in one way or another, it changed the way I lived in many ways including my decisions about being in groups or socializing at all. I find it difficult to return to any former patterns or make new ones. Hence, each new encounter is an opportunity to meet God in new ways and experience Gods gifts and His presence. I got a call yesterday from the insurance people telling me the amount of settlement for my car that was totaled. It is certainly a fair amount, and I could start to look for another car. I am not certain I want to do that right now. Maybe I’ll wait. Maybe I’ll wait and see what God has in mind for me next. I’m content that God’s plan for me doesn’t need flashing lights or a headline. I will stay Open and Willing. I sat in a meeting the other day – an in-person meeting – and raised my hand to say I would need a ride next week because I would no longer have a car. Afterward a woman came over and introduced herself to me and said she would love to offer to drive me. She is new to the area but lives near where I do. God’s plan can be walking down the street with New Life and Love in my Heart. Maybe that is Enough. Thank you, God.

2 Corinthians 3:18 “We all show the Lord’s glory, and we are being changed to be like him. This change in us brings ever greater glory which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”

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