But God will be exalted forever

Psalm 92:8-15 But you, O Lord, will be exalted forever. … The godly will flourish like palm trees … in the courts of our God. Even in old age they will still produce fruit; they will remain vital and green. They will declare, “The Lord is just! He is my rock! There is no evil in him!”

Psalm 90:10, 12 Seventy years are given to us! Some even live to eighty. … Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.

After my 70^th birthday on August 16, I went into a bit of a funk. (Do people still use that expression?) Thinking back on it, I realize several dynamics converged during the weeks between that day and the lovely August 31 birthday party my son and daughters so sweetly planned for me.

1. I was still grieving for my friend Donna who died suddenly and unexpectedly June 30, and for my friend Carolyn who died of cancer August 19. I realized that once we’re “old,” these losses become more frequent. And at some point, will touch my own siblings, my own family. I didn’t want to accept this reality.

2. Coming down with Covid on my 70^th birthday was custom made for making me feel “old.”

3. I took longer to recover my energy than I thought I should have. I took my four-year-old granddaughter Talita to a favorite park and barely managed the ¾ mile walk to the waterfall, with lots of stops along the way. As I sat on a rock while she played in the creek, I felt overwhelmed by the feeling that this is what awaited me as I grew older, this sense of helplessness to do what I wanted to do; of my tired body not cooperating with my mind and will. I resented it, despite knowing in my head I didn’t “deserve” the good health I usually enjoy while so many others I love deal with limitations all the time.

Talita and Liliana at the party, faces painted thanks to our friend Suzanne.

4. Dave and I went to the park where we usually walk three laps at a fast pace several times a week, about 3 ½ miles. He had Covid too but walked all three laps. I inched along (it seemed) for one lap, then had to sit and rest. Then at turtle-pace I made it back to our car. I felt frustrated and angry. This is not me. Who am I, if I can’t do what I want to do? You know, Lord—I’ve told you this for a long time—I don’t want to become dependent on other people, taking up their time and energy and resources. Especially I don’t want this for my kids.

5. I was grieving the outcome of the so-hoped for elections in Venezuela, where daily, conditions were (and are) going from bad to worse. So many people prayed, and believed … yet here we are, with Maduro’s opponent now being called a traitor for running against him, with a warrant out for his arrest. Where was the energy to keep trusting and keep praying for relief?

6. I came to the point of dreading my birthday party. I knew people would be kind and say nice things, and I didn’t feel like I deserved that. I slipped into some kind of alternate reality in which I was a non-person, knowing that none of what might be said was true. I thought, “Dave could go in my place; I’ll stay home.” It didn’t matter that old age is a blessing (consider the alternative) and that everyone walks through this sooner or later, or that so many people, even my own sibs, have health issues and limitations I’ve not had to deal with. This was happening to me! I had to face up to it and learn for myself how to age faithfully.

A bit melodramatic, yes? I can imagine eyes rolling. By God’s grace I did one positive thing: I told close friends what I was feeling, the struggle I was in. Just saying it out loud let me laugh at myself and gain perspective.

By birthday party day, thanks to their graciousness and prayers, God freed me from my pity party. My children were so generous, my friends so lovely, the surprise of out-of-towners I didn’t know were coming so heartwarming … It was all wonderful, and I’m deeply thankful for the love and generosity of family and friends.

Val, Dan, and Rachel even had brigadeiros (chocolate) and beijinhos (coconut), candies always part of Brazilian birthday parties! Valerie made me the lovely photo blanket. And … So many other special touches. Lots of behind the scenes scheming by all three of them. Today, by the way, is Rachel and Brian’s tenth wedding anniversary. Time goes so fast!!

I’m able to believe again Psalm 92:8-15–which the psalmist credits to GOD’S faithfulness, not our own. It’s been a favorite hope and life-giving passage since I turned 65.

And able to turn my attention back to what God has put in my hands to do.

And able to hear God chuckling with me.

To quote Karis, “All I see is grace.”