Anticipation

But the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings

Malachi 4:1-2 The day of judgment is coming … But for you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture.

Luke 1:53 He has filled the hungry with good things and sent the rich away empty.

I couldn’t write yesterday. I felt empty, and at the same time, stuffed way too full. This morning when I woke up, I asked the Lord what to share out of that empty fulness. So here we go.

At our house, the Christmas stockings are small. I didn’t grow up with the tradition of Christmas stockings. Having them at all began when our dear friend Jane Keep knitted small stockings with the names of the five of us for Rachel’s first Christmas, Dave-Debbie-Danny-Karis-Rachel. Several years later, she added Valerie, not quite in the same style as the original five. Since then, God has doubled the number of our Christmas family. Though there are now fourteen stockings, we’ll host twelve around the table on Christmas Day: Karis, though we all feel her presence, does not take up space at the table, nor does our granddog, June.

The stockings hang empty now, awaiting the creativity of family members coming up with tiny treasures and candies to tuck into them. Empty, yet replete with anticipation.

Over the last few weeks, several events I anticipated with one idea in mind, proved to be quite different from what I expected. In each case the production was spectacular, but not what I had imagined. The first was the movie The Most Reluctant Convert, the Untold Story of C. S. Lewis. Then an Andrea Bocelli concert (thank you, Val and Cesar!), followed by our church’s delightful St. Nicholas Market, Christmas with The Chosen: The Messengers. I won’t take space to explain why, in each case, the real thing was different from my expectation.

This last weekend (well, Friday through yesterday) held a half dozen unanticipated outcomes, maybe more depending how I count them. Can you imagine Bach’s Toccata and Fugue played on an accordion?! Or the richness of the Lessons and Carols service Sunday? Or the Heinz Concert Hall filled with worship as Byron Stripling and Vanessa Campagna’s voices soared with What Child Is This, Hark the Herald Angels Sing, Go Tell It on the Mountain, We Three Kings, Silent Night, O Holy Night and Joy to the World at the Pittsburgh Symphony’s “Holiday Pops” concert? Or the comfort of my daughters’ arms around me through Jim’s funeral? Or—

No, I’ll stop. Too many words, too much music and beauty to absorb. And concurrently the realization, this Advent, that as I imagine Jesus’ first coming, and try to imagine his second, I have only the shadow of an idea what to expect. The reality will be so much more than I can possibly anticipate.

But it will include, as seems a perfect description for Jim right now, healing. Freedom. Leaping for joy.

A special gift

But God turns mourning into dancing

Psalm 30:11-12 You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!

I wrote what I wanted to share with you today a couple days early because I wanted to find out from James whether he would be OK with me posting it. I didn’t know our beloved friend Jim Franzen would die last night, the third in a row from our church. Another dear one is in the ICU on a respirator. Carol, Bill, and now Jim. How we’ll miss his kind heart, his wit, his patient, sweet spirit.

So, I am mourning today. Not dancing, as I was when I wrote what follows. But the two are intertwined, aren’t they. Sometimes one takes prominence, sometimes the other. Both will be part of our reality until finally, God wipes away all our tears. Meanwhile, Lord, please enlarge my soul. It feels too small to embrace all the grief. And all the joy.

Here then is what I wrote before Jim died, about another beloved James:

God gave me an amazing gift last Sunday, one I’ve been, like Mary, “pondering in my heart.” It seemed too precious to share. But I think, somehow, it’s meant for you, too.

A young man in our church, James, is autistic. Karis and I met him as a very bright but nonverbal preschooler in 2004. In the last year, God has given James the ability to communicate with words, through a spelling board. For eighteen years his parents have not known what their son was thinking and feeling, his aspirations and joys and sorrows. Imagine then, suddenly having his inner world opened up to them. It’s so huge it feels indescribable.

Sunday after church I went to our church’s columbarium to touch Karis’s name on her niche, to tell her how much I miss her in this Advent and Christmas season. And to ask God for some small sign that he “saw” me, that he understood how much the grief of losing her still touches me even though it’s been almost eight years since she died.

The image went through my mind of my granddaughter Talita who last Tuesday fell while running through her house and hit her hands and knees quite hard. I watched her struggle not to cry, and then she held out her little hands one at a time and raised her knees to be kissed. A brief snuggle, and she was ready to play again. That’s what I need, Lord. Just a little bit of comfort from you.

James and his mother were sitting near the columbarium. I sat down with them to catch up a bit, since with Covid and grandchildren I haven’t seen them much in the last couple of years and I’ve missed them. Neither Anna nor I mentioned Karis. Anna asked James whether he wanted to say anything to me. He nodded yes and she pulled his spelling board from her purse.

James rapidly spelled for me: I miss you, Debbie. And I miss Karis. I see her in my dreams. She is dancing and joyful. She is happy, so you can be happy too, Debbie.

I’m writing this with tears. I was stunned. This was the first time I personally experienced James’s ability to communicate, though Anna had shared with me before by email. I had no idea before he could speak in this way that James remembered Karis (much less how to spell her name) or that he connected me with her. It’s been almost eight years since she died. I’m not aware that other young people in our church think about Karis. It’s precious to me that James does.

But of course, the impact of his message to me was greater because of my prayer, asking God for a sign that he saw me, that he understood my need for what my sister Shari would call a “God kiss” on this “owie” in my heart.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you, James and Anna, for this precious, unexpected gift.

This week my sister-in-law Elaine sent me a link to an article by author Tish Harrison Warren (Liturgy of the Ordinary; Prayer in the Night) which exactly fits the theme of joy and pain mixed together. Tish was part of our church for several years, so I often read what she writes, but I had missed this one. I know it will bless you.

And I wish for you a God kiss, wherever you are hurting.

Bittersweet Christmas

But God heard my cry for mercy

Psalm 31:5, 21-22 I entrust my spirit into your hand. Rescue me, Lord, for you are a faithful God. … I am dying from grief; my years are shortened by sadness. … In panic I cried out, “I am cut off from the Lord!” But you heard my cry for mercy and answered my call for help.

“It’s the hap-happiest time of the year …”

Well, no. Not for everyone.

The first Christmas after Karis died, I thought I would drown in grief. She loved Christmas so. I couldn’t bring myself to do the fun Christmas-y things: the tree, the decorating, the baking, the gifts. I wanted somehow to leap over not only Christmas but January, when Karis was hospitalized with a line infection and, unknown to us, H1N1, and February, with her death and memorial service and indescribable pain. I wanted to skip winter altogether. I wanted spring, with its hope of new life, with reassurance there was still reason to live.

Rachel and Valerie came to my rescue, though they were grieving too. They managed Christmas for our family that year. I didn’t realize how hard this was for them until Rachel mentioned it a couple of weeks ago as we discussed plans for this year.

Yesterday’s poem in Guite’s Waiting on the Word, number 28 of 131 poems published in 1850 as In Memoriam, is framed around the sound of Christmas bells. Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote these poems across seventeen years, tracing his grief over the sudden death of his best friend. His pain is still raw, yet the last stanza carries a note of hope:

This year I slept and woke with pain,

I almost wish’d no more to wake,

And that my hold on life would break

Before I heard those bells again.

But they my troubled spirit rule,

For they controll’d me when a boy;

They bring me sorrow touch’d with joy,

The merry, merry bells of Yule.

“Sorrow touch’d with joy.” It’s an apt description of my first few Christmases after Karis’s death. Grieving is not speedy. If we try to skip over the pain, it won’t heal. The only way out is through.

This year, I find I can invert Tennyson’s phrase. “Joy touch’d with sorrow”—yes. That works. Thank you, Lord. Thank you for hearing my cry for mercy.

The joy candle, third Sunday of Advent Shutterstock: Roza Sharipova

The crack is how the light gets in

But God loved the world

John 3:16-17 For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son … God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.

Romans 8:1 So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.

James 1:16 Every good and perfect gift comes down to us from God our Father.

When I was in high school and in awe (I still am) of my later to become sister-in-law Elaine, we had a (for me) eye-opening discussion of John 3:16-21. I was steeped in judgment—my parents judged me, my school judged me, I judged myself—always as inadequate and unworthy of love. I naturally believed God viewed me the same way. I had no concept of him as a loving Father.

Elaine showed me in these verses and John 5:24 that people’s natural state was judgment, but God had done everything necessary to change that. All we had to do to pass from death to life (John 5:24) was to accept God’s love through Jesus’ life and sacrifice in our place.

Sometimes I forget and continue to judge and condemn myself. This Advent, I’m asking God to take me to a new level of understanding of his love for me as my Father NOT based on my performance. I’m trying to listen more to his words of love and less to my own inner critic.

What about you? What do you long for from your Father in this season of gift-giving?

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in Leonard Cohen, “Anthem”

Imperfect and dearly loved

But God’s Son became human Dec 6, 2021

John 1:14 So the Word of God became a human being and lived among us … full of grace and truth.

Did you play freeze tag when you were a child? When someone yells “Freeze!” you have to hold your position until the person touches you—like Aslan breathing life back into the creatures the witch had turned into statues in Prince Caspian.

I thought of that when our son Dan and April showed us their “official” wedding photos when they were here for Thanksgiving. Each one froze a moment in time. Because I was there, the photo evoked for me what was happening outside the view of the camera, and what took place just before and just after a given shot. This picture, for example:

*I love Brian’s arm over Dan’s shoulder* *and Dave’s around April*. *I bet Caleb is thinking about how the photographer’s camera works.*

Moments before the photographer called for us, the kids were chasing each other and our granddog, June. They weren’t thrilled to be confined to the arms of their parents, told to be still, look at the camera and smile. The moment they were released they smiled! June appears in photos taken prior to and after this one, so I don’t know where she was when this one was snapped. All around us people were gathering for the wedding, the musicians preparing, the ushers passing out bulletins. You wouldn’t know from this photo that many of the guests came dressed to fit the Lord of the Rings theme, a large number of them wearing elf ears.

John captured a moment of time in these few words, The Word of God became a human being. His masterful summation of Jesus’ life as “full of grace and truth,” doesn’t tell us the details of Jesus love and service and sacrifice. John tries to make up for it in his ensuing chapters, but finally concludes, Jesus also did many other things. If they were all written down, I suppose the whole world could not contain the books that would be written (John 21:25). Knowing him will take us eternity. John’s snapshot does tell us we want to know him.

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but even a thousand words is not enough to contain and adequately describe even one scene, one person.

I love as I look at this photo that Lili’s fancy dress is bunched up and the kids are not smiling, and Dave forgot to button his suitcoat and Talita is in the middle of saying something with her hands. It feels more like a picture of life than a perfectly framed and executed photo would, with everyone’s smiles in place and no clues to what’s going on in their thoughts and emotions.

Life isn’t perfect—have you noticed that? It’s messy, and emotional, and unpredictable, and sometimes tragic, often difficult, yet full of joyful moments and gifts we might miss if we’re not paying attention. That’s the world Jesus chose to become part of, the world he loves, with all its foibles and flaws. The choice we celebrate through Advent and Christmas while we anticipate his coming again.

The Moons by Grevel Lindop

I’m sorry the link in my last post didn’t work for you. Here’s the poem:

Too many moons to fill an almanac:

the half, the quarters, and the slices between

black new and silvercoin full –

pearl tossed and netted in webs of cloud,

thread of light with the dull disc in its loop,

gold shaving afloat on the horizon of harvest –

How many times did you call me from the house,

or from my desk to the window, just to see?

Should I string them all on a necklace for you?

Impossible, though you gave them all to me.

Still some of their light reflects from memory.

Here it is, distant gleam on the page of a book.

What shall I give him?

But God’s beauty shines through nature

Psalm 19:1-2 The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display his craftsmanship. Day after day they continue to speak; night after night they make him known.

When my husband Dave was five, he asked his mother as they prepared gifts for Christmas why, if it was Jesus’ birthday, they were giving gifts to each other instead of to him. She told him the gift Jesus most wanted was his heart. Dave took a while to think about this and decided that on Christmas day he would give his heart to Jesus. So every Christmas is an anniversary for Dave of the day he knew he was God’s child.

If you’re like me, you have half a dozen Advent devotional guides to inspire and challenge you. I’m enjoying one recommended by our assistant pastor, Kevin Antlitz, and gifted to us by our community group leaders, Chris and Elise Massa. It’s a book by Malcolm Guite called Waiting on the Word, A poem a day for Advent, Christmas and Epiphany.

Today’s poem is an unexpected one called “The Moons,” by Grevel Lindop. Scroll down a bit here to read the text. There’s no apparent connection to God in this poem, but if we shift our frame, as Grevel Lindop shows us, we can imagine God as the one who calls us to see in a new way the beauty he has created.

And the poem fits Advent in another way, as we both look back to our past experiences with God, including his Incarnation, and look forward to additional revelations of his grace and truth. And offer back to him the gift he most desires from us, our hearts.

One life lesson of Chanukah, by Rabbi Evan Moffic

But Jesus is the light

John 8:12 Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.”

Note from Debbie: Christians around the world lit their first Advent candles yesterday, celebrating the “New Year” of the church calendar. Believing “Christianity is Jewish,” and the Old Testament points to Jesus, I share this lovely reflection by Rabbi Moffic, author of What Every Christian Needs to Know about the Jewishness of Jesus:

The Jewish festival of Chanukah has begun. It celebrates religious freedom.

A group known as the Maccabees fought the Hellenistic King Antiochus and refused to stop worshipping in their Temple. After a fierce battle, the Maccabees won and found a hidden jar of oil in the Temple. The oil burned for eight nights.

Thus, every year, for eight nights, we light candles to celebrate our freedom. It’s a beautiful holiday.

Light One Candle

But here’s one interesting detail you might not know: Rabbis throughout history have debated the proper way to light the candles. Here’s one example.

Let’s say it is the eighth night of Chanukah. and you have lit all eight candles. Then one of the candles goes out. Can you use one of the other lit candles to light the candle that went out?

One rabbi said we should not light the unlit candle with another candle because that would diminish the flame of the lit candle. Inevitably we would spill some of the wax or the oil of the lit candle, and Jewish law says we cannot diminish any of the Chanukah lights.

But another rabbi said we can use one candle to light another because we are bringing more light into the world. In other words, a candle is never diminished when it lights another candle. Rather, its flame is enhanced.

You are the Candle

This debate is about more than Chanukah candle. It is about the best way to live.

No human being is diminished when we help another person. When we give our time or our resources, we are not losing anything. Rather, we are gaining because we are bringing more light into another person’s life, and into the life of our community.

We Gain When We Give

Human life is not zero-sum. We do not lose when we give. Just like the Chanukah candles, we gain when we give.

As we look at the Chanukah lights this year, let’s imagine we are one of those candles. And then let us ask ourselves: How can we make our flame brighter? How can we add more light to the world?

Let that be our challenge and vision for the New Year.

Build each other up, by Rachel Myers

But God’s love keeps us safe

Jude verse 20 But you, dear friends, must build each other up in your most holy faith, pray in the power of the Holy Spirit, and await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will bring you eternal life. In this way, you will keep yourselves safe in God’s love.

[A note from Debbie: After Karis died, we started collecting reminiscences people wrote about her in a memory book. In God’s exquisite timing, Rachel Myers just sent me her contribution to this book and gave me permission to share it with you as well. Holidays are challenging times for me, as I imagine they are for anyone who has lost a close friend or family member. Rachel’s thoughts came at just the right time to touch that tender part of my heart—an example for me of what Jude says, that as we build each other up, our hearts are kept safe in God’s love. Thank you, Rachel.]

When Karis passed, Debbie invited me and others she called friends to come and pick a piece of her jewelry to remember her by. I chose the most colorful one – a necklace of all sorts of tiny stones, in every shade of the rainbow. I never saw Karis wear it to my memory, but it reminds me of her because it’s so unpretentious and cheerful. My two-year-old daughter, Paige, loves to try on my necklaces and this one is a favorite of hers, too. It brings me joy to share it with her, though she doesn’t yet fully know why.

I knew of Karis for a while before I had the joy of knowing her personally. I could tell by the way folks mentioned her name in conversation that she had endeared herself to many. By the time I became her friend, she had already been quite sick for a while. The season for ambitious adventures was over, but Karis’s enthusiasm and knack for building meaningful connections was probably stronger than ever.

What I remember most about our times together is her earnest kindness, gentleness, and positivity. The daily obstacles she faced just to remain alive would leave many of us in despair, but I never heard her complain, even when she was clearly in pain. She was more content to listen than to talk. She would always end our chats by asking how she could be praying for me.

Karis made the most of what she had each day: whatever strength, time, and opportunities there were to serve those around her. She was a living example of the character produced by suffering. I work in a hospital where I meet many people living with chronic illness. Those on this path can choose to either feel bitter about what they’ve lost, or to celebrate what they have. I honestly don’t know how I will handle it when I’m faced with the same decision, but I’m slowly practicing for the latter.

Karis’s example continues to encourage me to cherish the opportunities for human connection that each day brings because they are so much of what brings joy and meaning. I have learned to relish chances to go deeper in conversations with my patients and to be a blessing to them. Karis certainly knew there is so much joy in giving!

I also am working to enjoy the moments I might otherwise take for granted, like when my daughter is asking me to show her all my jewelry for the hundredth time. None of us know what the future holds for us or for our children, but I sure hope to hold what I’ve been given with my heart and hands wide open, as my friend Karis did.

Thankful for friendship, by Meredith Dobson

But God directs my steps

Psalm 37:23-24 The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.

I was taken to the hospital during the first year of Covid. I had fainted at home and fallen. It frightened me and I called 911. I am 83 years old. The hospital was overwhelmed and I ended up in a room for six days lost in the confusion. During that time, for the first time in my life, I had an unmistakable Vision of God. He appeared on the wall in front of me quite clearly. He surprised me until I saw He had a message for me. He offered me His hand. I took it and listened to his directions as we went for a walk and He pointed out several things we encountered along the way. He never let go of my hand.

For several years I have been looking after a friend of mine who is 94 years old. She is a successful artist, a widow with no children and not one family member living. I had worked for her husband for 15 years and knew him to be an exceptional person of intellect and compassion. It was a privilege to work for him and I understood how they had such a successful marriage. Both were born and raised in foreign countries and came to America together in their youth.

Looking after her is a challenge. It has been a lesson to me that I am not in charge of anything. When I want to be helpful, I find I need to stand back and wait for her to tell me what she wants or what part “I” will have in anything. She is in charge even though she has trouble walking, breathing, remembering, and does not have a realistic notion of her limitations.

When I tell my friends and family about my times with her, they say things to me like “You shouldn’t do that,” or “She should be in a home,” or “You should get someone else to take care of her, you shouldn’t let her call you like that” and they are very critical. I sometimes wonder if they are right or maybe I shouldn’t tell them what it’s like. Then I thought about my time with God and I felt myself holding my own hand like God held my hand. I nod my head and know that God is with me. I know God will guide me.

Psalm 37 tells me that so long as I continue to believe, God will protect me, hold my hand and, “Yes” I belong there, helping my friend. It doesn’t matter that others might not understand. It doesn’t matter that others think I should do differently. Being with her is a privilege. I feel peace and joy when I am with her. She is grateful and so am I. I fulfill a need of hers and she fulfills a need of mine to serve one of God’s children. I don’t need for anyone but God to understand, and He does.

“Our Lord, we know that all is well. We trust Thee for all. We love Thee increasingly. We bow to Thy Will.” God Calling October 28, Glad Surprises.